“We keep thinking ‘men and women are opposites’ in this society,” says Carol Queen, a staff sexologist at Good Vibes who holds a PhD in sexology.

But particularly when it comes to sexual pleasure, Queen maintains, we’re more similar than most think. “The way pleasure parts experience arousal and pleasurable sensations all have comparables — we’re not totally different from one another at all,” Queen explains. “We’re all on a great big spectrum.”

This is especially true for the clit and penis. Don’t believe me? I asked Queen to break down the greatest similarities between the two…

Their Origin and Development

“The clitoris and penis start out as exactly the same tissue in utero,” Queen tells me. “Once the hormones kick in they differentiate — but not as much as people think.”

In Sizes

“The largest clitorises are bigger than the smallest penises — they’re an overlapping size range, not ‘one is big and one is small,’” Queen says.

Same Components, Different Arrangements

“With the exception of the position of the urethra, the penis and clitoris consist of the same parts,” Queen explains. “They have a shaft, a head covered by a retractable hood — the clit’s is sometimes called a prepuce, and the penis’ is usually termed a foreskin — and internal legs, called crura, which are shaped sort of like a wishbone, and both it and the shaft include erectile tissue.”

Erectile Function

“Both the clitoris and the penis can get erect, notably when sufficiently sexually aroused,” Queen says. “The area around them also has erectile tissue. This, however, might be more noticeable around the clitoris because you can see the vulva and labia change.”

The Chameleon Color Scheme

“Both body parts, when aroused, might change color when blood flows in and causes engorgement,” Queen explains. “Lighter skin can look pinker or redder, and darker skin might get a more burgundy-like tone. Different people will display a range in terms of how obvious and visible this change is.”

They Like the Same Feelings

“The types of sensation the penis and clitoris enjoy can be quite similar,” Queen tells me. “Both like friction; they can respond to stroking, light or firm pressure and movement — depending on how aroused the person is. Starting with low arousal and lots of pressure might not work as well as ramping up intensity. Both might like suction too, but again, that’s depending on arousal level and intensity. The clitoris and penis — especially the head — can both enjoy vibration as well!”

They’re Sensitive

“Both organs tend to be the most sensitive areas of their respective genitals and stimulating them is often the easiest — or for some, the only — way to reach orgasm,” Queen says.

They Have Similar Tissues…

“Both the penis and the clitoris include mucosal tissue on the head, under the hood and the foreskin,” Queen explains. “When the foreskin is removed, that tissue dries out, and some of the sensation is lost or altered.”

…And Nerves

“The clitoris and the penis are so sensitive and linked to orgasm partly because of a pretty major nerve — called the pudendal nerve — connecting these body parts to the spinal cord and hence to the brain, which is ultimately in control of high arousal and orgasm,” Queen says.