15 Best Jokes From Top Comedians Of The 1980s
Neill Lynskey
Published
Yesterday
in
Funny
The 1980s was the decade of the original stand up comedy boom.
With the introduction of HBO specials, Comedy Central, and a ton of late-night shows that all featured comics, America consumed comedy like it was their job in the 1980s. But only a select few comics rose to the top to become some of the all-time greats.
Here are some legends of stand up and their best jokes from the decade.
- List View
- Player View
- Grid View
Advertisement
-
1. “Going to war over religion is basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.”
- Richard Jeni -
2. "Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money."
- Robin Williams -
3. “I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.”
- Steven Wright -
4. "I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
- Rodney Dangerfield -
5. "Women need a reason to have it. Men just need a place."
- Billy Crystal -
6. "I am so busy... doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything—which as you know, always leads to something—cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything."
- Jerry Seinfeld -
7. "I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes—and six months later you have to start all over again."
- Roseanne Barr -
8. "I've been keeping in shape lately, you know? You have to. I'm getting older. I'm 27… That whole fitness thing runs in my family, though, I think. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the
- Ellen DeGeneres -
9. "When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me"
- Emo Philips -
10. “I'm paranoid about everything in my life. Even at home on my stationary bike, I have a rearview mirror”
- Richard Lewis -
11. "I used to do drugs. I had no luck with drugs, man. One time me and three friends dropped acid and drove around in my dad's car. He has one of those talking cars, we're tripping, and the car goes, “The door is ajar.”
- Bill Hicks -
12. “I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.”
- Dennis Miller -
13. “Does anyone have a mother that would hit you with a shoe? I had a mother that would throw a shoe at you at the drop of a dime. And mess you up wherever she was aiming. So by the time I was like ten, my mother was like Clint Eastwood with a shoe…”
- Eddie Murphy -
14. Bob Newhart
"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.'" -
15. "Marriage is just like a coffin and each kid is another nail. You start off as this happy person, then one day you’re just screaming at a little stranger to stop touching your stuff."
- Sam Kinison
- REPLAY GALLERY
-
Replay - 15 Best Jokes From Top Comedians Of The 1980s
- NEXT GALLERY
-
- 20 Photos Inside Life As A World War II Commando
“Going to war over religion is basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.”
- Richard Jeni
- Richard Jeni
15/15
1/15
0 Comments