15 Goofy Homeschool Stories As We Head To Summer Vacation
Cameron Fetter
Published
Yesterday
in
Funny
As we head to summer vacation, a time when schoolchildren get to run around all day and play video games to their heart’s content, let’s remember that there are some kids who do that year round. I refer, of course, to homeschooled children.
While it’s definitely not impossible to receive a good education from homeschooling, it’s largely dependent on how good a job your parents do. And some parents are really, really not good at it.
So, setting the success stories aside because those aren’t nearly as interesting to read, here are some short anecdotes about the goofier side of homeschooling.
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1. Magic isn’t real
“I actually did know a girl who was being homeschooled by bible thumping parents when I was 12. She was actually pretty cool. But she also had to sneak over to friends' houses in order to watch disney movies because her parents thought that the beast from "Beauty and the Beast" was a symbol of satan and that "Aladdin" was promoting black magic. I think I annoyed her by saying, "But...magic isn't real," repeatedly. It was really confusing to me that people would see magic in a cartoon and not understand that it was fiction. I hope she continued realizing that her parents were weird and grew up to be normal and well-adjusted.” - Bored -
2. Military ‘Intelligence’
“When I was in the army I worked with a couple guys who were homeschooled. Imagine a scene from a war movie or a spy movie like the Bourne Identity, where they're in a command center trying to track terrorists from a drone feed and moving assets to the target, etc. Imagine everyone is tense and focused, like that picture of Obama & Clinton during the bin Laden raid. Now imagine there's one guy in the back of the room trying to balance himself with one foot on the edge of a stair, flailing his arms around and making robot noises.” - bees everywhere -
3. A modern-day medieval apprentice
“My homeschooling nephew 12, is into blacksmithing. He attends a "class" run by a church friend, and he is learning skills from men his grandfather's age. He loves it, and so do they. He has already made a few things too.” - Cascade_Wanderer -
4. You mean I can have pizza whenever I want?
“My homeschooled friend and coworker Terrance did not know how to order a pizza. I was saying during idle chit chat like ‘yeah I haven't gotten pizza delivered in a while’ and he said he never had. I asked for clarification and he said he didn't know how. I asked how this was possible. I explained the whole process. He said that sounded amazing. I said do it tonight. He said, ‘I wouldn't even know who to call.’” - epoch -
5. The irony…
“I gave my son (8) an 'About Me' worksheet for our first day of school. For his favorite thing to do in school, he wrote, ‘Speling’.” - Renaeec1 -
6. Free back rubs
“The homeschooled kids I met were all slightly off. (Private high school) They were smart and nice, but they all had very odd quirks. Like that one guy that would always give unsolicited back massages in the student center during free periods. He was good at it and it never creeped us out like you would think it might. It just seemed like he genuinely liked helping people feel better.” - deleted -
7. Lost in the grocery store
“I remember someone talking about teaching adult literacy, and one of their students came in in tears because they’d discovered that the grocery store had signs in the aisles and you could just look at the signs and find what you need. He’d been trying to only go to the grocery store he was familiar with for his adult life because he knew where things were. Otherwise, he had to go up and down all the aisles.” - vilebunny -
8. Enjoying the scenery
“Once on a camping trip in my childhood, we ended up near a huge group of other campers. They were friendly enough and I learned they were a homeschooling group. There was one tent a bunch of men and young boys were all gathered in, and for a few days into the weeklong camping trip I just thought it was the group picnic table that had drinks, supplies, etc. The tent was around two folding tables the homeschool group had brought with them. On the table were loving handmade painted plywood terrains with what I now know are Warhammer toys. They traveled to beautiful Lassen National park to play Warhammer.” - value-brand-cereal -
9. Forget the ABCs
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10. Analog education
“My cousin's oldest works at Kohl's. It's been a good job for her, honestly, but she does want something better. She's tried working with temp agencies and tried out various office positions, but she struggled even being a receptionist because my cousin focused on a religious, analog education. Her kids are total luddites. They have no cable TV and only allow movies on VHS. They have wifi but only the parents know the password and the kids aren't allowed to use it freely. My cousin doesn't even have a smartphone because she doesn't want to be tracked and used for data mining. The kids have pretty much zero experience with technology and it's sad.” - JadedMcGrath -
11. Is Instagram in the Bible?
“There's a Christian influencer who won't teach her children about worldly things like who is President or what year it is because everything they need to know is in the Bible.” - deleted -
12. Maybe, just maybe, the homeschooling isn’t working
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13. It’s learning o’ clock
“I’m a special Ed teacher, and one of our students just re-entered our school after being homeschooled for two years, the boy can’t tell time, he’s in 7th grade.” - Rainmaker825 -
14. All that over a single movie
“One of my friends was pulled out of school at 13 by her parents because we watched an R16 movie in English (the Prime of Miss Jean Brodie; rated R16 because it had an artist's model scene. This was a girl's school btw, nothing we hadn't all seen before.) I ran into her years later when I was senior; her parents had put her back in school (a different school) and she was now doing classes two years behind me because she'd learnt nothing being homeschooled. I felt so sorry for the poor girl, the stigma of being that much older than her classmates…” - biteme789 -
15. They probably won’t ever go to college, but might have a future at a chair factory
“I know someone who does unschooling, all of her kids (5, including the one she just had) are severely behind in every subject. Her eldest daughter is nearly 12 and has only recently read her first chapter book. But apparently, this is all fine because her kids know how to build chairs, according to her Facebook posts.” - EfficientSeaweed
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Magic isn’t real
“I actually did know a girl who was being homeschooled by bible thumping parents when I was 12. She was actually pretty cool. But she also had to sneak over to friends' houses in order to watch disney movies because her parents thought that the beast from "Beauty and the Beast" was a symbol of satan and that "Aladdin" was promoting black magic. I think I annoyed her by saying, "But...magic isn't real," repeatedly. It was really confusing to me that people would see magic in a cartoon and not understand that it was fiction. I hope she continued realizing that her parents were weird and grew up to be normal and well-adjusted.” - Bored
“I actually did know a girl who was being homeschooled by bible thumping parents when I was 12. She was actually pretty cool. But she also had to sneak over to friends' houses in order to watch disney movies because her parents thought that the beast from "Beauty and the Beast" was a symbol of satan and that "Aladdin" was promoting black magic. I think I annoyed her by saying, "But...magic isn't real," repeatedly. It was really confusing to me that people would see magic in a cartoon and not understand that it was fiction. I hope she continued realizing that her parents were weird and grew up to be normal and well-adjusted.” - Bored
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