I’m on team “taking a dump.”

There’s no set amount of time required to shit. Sometimes, you can just plop down on the toilet seat and have the turd slide out like butter; other times, the process of actually dropping your deuce is a fight between you and your body — an aching, painful experience that will leave you a changed man on the other side of it.

Given this, a half-hour dump is rare, but not unheard of. But try explaining that to this Walmart employee, who entered the bathroom while a dude was shitting to chastise him about how long he was taking.