At this rate, the only safe form of travel will be hot air balloon.

In case you were worried about air travel given the recent news, I’m here to tell you that you were correct to be afraid. Every expert consulted on the issue has to hide the fact that they’re scared shitless, and as more people head to the airport for summer travel, they kind of just have to hope and pray that air traffic control isn’t going to shit the bed that day.

Thankfully, most of the present disasters haven’t involved *too* many people dying. For example, yesterday, two United Airlines 777s ran into each other on the ground at San Francisco International Airport. While passengers on both planes were fine, their flights were canceled, and the planes needed to be repaired.

Good thing Boeing can still at least fix their planes right? RIGHT?!?!